Friday, February 1, 2013

I Was Blind, But Now I See

I am a blind woman, but this hasn’t always been the case.  I have never had what a sighted person would consider “normal” vision.  I didn’t realize how precious my sight was until it was gone.   

I was born with a rare scar tissue that left me visually impaired for the first eighteen years of my life.  In 2006, I started having trouble seeing in my right eye.  I was completely dependent on this eye because I lost the vision in my other eye to a detached retina when I was a teenager.  It suddenly became harder and harder to see.  With some protest, I made an appointment with my eye doctor.  During the examination, my doctor discovered a cataract.  The cataract was so large, it had to be surgically removed.   

Who knew that a simple procedure would cause a spiral effect which would leave me totally blind.  I had to undergo three more surgeries over the next several months, each one unsuccessful.  My eye was not strong enough to handle the trauma.  Through all of this, I remained hopeful.  With each surgery, I hoped that my vision would be restored.  However, my hopefulness faded when the doctor informed me that “There is nothing else I can do.”  At that particular moment, I thought my life had ended.  I felt like someone robbed me of my life.  Before I knew it, I found myself on a roller coaster of emotions that lasted for several months.  

 I was sad, depressed, angry, and embarrassed.  One Sunday morning, my family and I went to church as usual.  Little did I know, that Sunday morning would change the rest of my life.  As the Pastor preached, I heard God speaking to me.  He was saying, “You need me.”  After the sermon, the Pastor extended an invitation to the congregation.  At that moment, I heard God calling out to me.  He was saying, “Come to me.”  All of the sudden, I grabbed my mother by the hand.  She led me down to the altar.  

 As I was walking down the aisle, I saw God open up his arms to me.  Once I reached the altar, I fell to my knees.  I began weeping.  The Pastor came over to me and asked, “Would it be okay if I told the congregation about you?”  I couldn’t answer him.  I was crying uncontrollably.  I just nodded my head in agreement.  The next thing I knew, I heard dozens of people get up and walk over to me.  I suddenly felt hands on my back.  I heard people praying from every angle.  After the Pastor finished praying for me, my mother led me back to my seat.  When I sat down, I realized my back was soaking wet.  It was the tears of those who prayed over me.   

When the service was over, I felt someone take me by the hand.  Without saying anything, this person gently opened up my hand and placed something in it.  I began to feel what it was with my fingers.  A soft-spoken woman began to speak to me.  She said, “This is a mustard seed.  It has healed many people.  It has even healed me.  I believe it will do the same for you.”   

One afternoon, I began thinking about the significance of the mustard seed.  I began to see the similarities between the mustard seed and myself.  Like the mustard seed, I will start out small, but I will grow into something strong.  I came to the realization that I wasn’t only physically blind, but I was spiritually blind too.  It was like God suddenly opened up my eyes.  I realized that I didn’t have to see to know how beautiful God was.  Also, I didn’t have to see to know the works he has done for me.  Even though I couldn’t see, I realized that I could still hear him and feel him.   

This understanding continues to follow me, even after seven years.  I understand that I am of great worth in God’s eyes.  I know how much God loves me.  God’s love is like an ocean, you can measure its depth, but you can never measure its length because it’s never ending.  God loves me so much that he gave me the ultimate gift, the gift of his Son Jesus Christ.  It’s all about the gift that was given on the cross.  This gift was given to me when Jesus Christ died on the cross to save me from my sins.  In result, that gift gives me eternal life.  I was once insignificant but through Jesus Christ, I was made significant.  Jesus Christ won me with his blood.  He was the one who paid my debt.  Jesus Christ saw me as someone who was worth dying for.  I truly believe he is someone who is worth losing everything for.   

I believe that there is nothing in life that can separate me from God.  I know that God is greater than my blindness.  I don’t want my blindness to change my relationship with God.  I believe that I have to be more broken to see more of God’s grace.  I feel like his grace is like a strong and cleansing tide that flows in and covers me.  I know that God’s grace gives me the strength I need to overcome my blindness.  In him, I can do anything.  I know when I set my eyes upon him, nothing can bring me down.   

Every morning I pray.  I ask God to lead, guide, and direct me.  When I go throughout the day, I never feel alone.  I can feel God’s warm embrace.  I can feel his gentle hand holding mine.  When life gets hard, I put my trust and faith in him.  I lay my burdens down before him.  I want to use my disability as an ability to bring others closer to God.  People wonder how I do it, but the truth is, God does it for me. 

No comments:

Post a Comment